that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
