Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
