just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
