I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
