I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
