fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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