So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
