I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
