I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
