I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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