Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My ATM looks so different sober.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
