i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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