she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
