My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
