I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
