can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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