HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
