my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
