Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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