You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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