the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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