I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
