Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
