You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
