We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
