and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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