please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
