my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
