My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
