fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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