u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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