Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry about my life...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
