Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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