he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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