we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
