just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
