she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
