Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
