I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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