im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
