im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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