Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
