Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
