Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
