Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
