I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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