Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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