dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
