so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
