U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
