I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
